Exactly as the title says.

I don’t technically mean bring back summer memories, because the summer of 2019 wasn’t really my year. But I do want the summer weather to come back. I’m talking 80/90 degree weather. Why I love weather so hot? I don’t know. But I do. Fall weather in August and sometimes September is fine. It’s not that chilly and the afternoons are warm. But past September onto October, that’s when things start getting chilly. And I don’t like chilly.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the rear end of the year. Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas are all lined up ready to go! Mentioning Halloween for a sec here, a new Spirit Halloween store set up shop near my house and I visited it two days ago. I loved it. There were so many cool costumes and the animatronics they had were splendidly spooky. Okay, I’ll admit, I was a little hesitant to step on the button for some, but that’s not my fault! I’m not too fond of having a giant sinister clown gaping in front of my face, okay?

But anyways, with fall and winter aside, I really do love summer (sorry spring, I hate you) and I wish it’d come back. This upcoming week is supposed to be pretty hot, in the mid-90’s, which is good! I like 🙂

Don’t be stupid.

You know how damaging that can be, right?

Idiot…

I’ve always been baffled by topics like juuling or doing drugs. Those things, and more, clearly have a negative effect on your life. Teachers warn about it, parents warn about it, the news, peers. But still some people choose to go down that path and start, for example, juuling.

Why. WHY? So many people have reiterated to you that juuling is bad. Why are you still making a bad choice and buying yourself one? I know (hope…) that the majority of teenagers are probably still nicotine-free and don’t juul or do drugs. But for the others that do juul, I have one question:

Are you stupid?

Please. Don’t give me your cheap excuses. You did it to fit in. You were bored and wanted to try it out. You liked the flavors. You saw your friend doing it. Uh huh. I got it. Well, let me tell ya:

You can fit in (and stand out!) by studying hard and excelling in school, you can cure your boredom by taking up a healthy hobby (like jogging!), you can taste mango and watermelon and whatever else flavor there is by…….. eating the fruit, and you see your friends getting lung cancer in ten years, so you definitely want that too. Check, check, check and check!

I’m so fed up with you idiots, y’know?

I’m not sure how I feel about big companies like Juul and how they’re handling this nonsense with minors. I mean, part of me knows Juul is bad and the company should be scolded. They could make their products less easily-accessible, or not market it as such a tantalizing thing to own. But you have to remember that their products are meant for smokers trying to get off cigarettes. It’s not ENTIRELY Juul’s problem that millions of minors decided the skinny black stick would look good on them too. I also feel like I should almost… apologize to Juul? Say, “sorry, a bunch of my peers think they’re the same as smokers and now you have to clean up after their mess.”

“You keep warning that Juuls are only meant for smokers but nobody is getting the message.”

“Sorry we’re such an ignorant generation.”

“But we’re spending so much money on you, are your warnings really just to appease the public? Do you really care if we end up with black lungs and a nicotine addiction?”

[The public spokesperson for Juul has declined to comment.]

Is there something wrong with me?

I’ve been feeling overwhelmed for the past week or so. It’s due to many circumstances, but I’m sure it’s confusing to others to witness. One minute I can be happy and smiling and the next I’ll be trying not to cry. My emotions can be flipped with a switch, at this point. I mostly start out the morning happy, but if one thing doesn’t go my way my happiness drops like a ball in my stomach and triggers some negative emotion to rise.

I’m hurting those around me. I’ve had several instances where friends have come running up to me to greet me, but I blow them off because I was already close to tears or I felt mad at the world. More often, however, I simply get overwhelmed with the amount of care and empathy they push onto me that I tear up at that. Other times I’ve been inconsiderate to others. I run up to them and try to talk when they’re rushing to get somewhere, or they aren’t in the best mood and I don’t notice it until I’ve said the wrong thing. As careful and considerate as I am, I still mess up, and each time I do I feel a little worse. Everybody’s forgiven me for my mistakes, but I can’t seem to let them go.

Everybody is nice to me, but sometimes I wonder if it’s a facade. I’ve had at least three teachers pass me in the halls, and no friendly exchanges were made even though I’ve had that teacher in the past and they know who I am. I want so desperately to speak up, to tell them hello, how are you? or just to remind them of my presence so that they know I’m not being rude. But I can’t. I’m afraid they wouldn’t smile back at me, or the timing is bad, and so on. Having them walk right past me without piping either just makes my confidence plummet lower.

I know what’s unlikable about me. I can be too quiet. Too reserved. Not outgoing enough, and not as willing to open up to people as they wish. Emotionless. A friend told me to “look more alive” a few days ago. On the flip side, sometimes when I’m upset I try to put on a bitter expression so that I’m glaring at people and I can hide my true emotions. And who likes to be glared at?

But I can be cheerful, outgoing and lively, too. I try. But my efforts aren’t enough, I think. I’m too nervous, too shy to really let loose around most people.

I’m currently riding my emotions, but I have to say, I hate riding roller coasters. I hope I can get off the ride soon…

I can’t say I hated it and I can’t say I loved it.

Alright, this is just going to be a quick post, because I’m stressed, tired, and grumpy. So here we go.

I spent the morning pacer-walking around the halls solidifying the room numbers in my brain, and I got all sweaty and warm before I even did anything remotely academic. Literally, I got so sweaty that I had to roll up my SHORT SLEEVED SHIRT and when I looked at my back (which had been pressed against my backpack) a huge patch was dark, so, sweat. When I tell you I panicked, I pANICKED. Luckily I was in the way back in my first hour so I could air myself out, but wowee, I hated this morning.

Classes aren’t so bad. I know people in most of them, but that just means I’ll get judged in every single one of those classes.

Tennis after school was terrible. The weather was humid because it rained this morning, and I felt really bad out in the sun. I forgot my water in my locker, along with my lunchbag and two textbooks, so after tennis I had to troop ALL the way from the courts (which are past the track and down a hill beyond the road) to my locker on the second floor in the school. I really felt like I should’ve just quit.

I’m just really stressed. Spanish IV has got me worried on the first day, so yay. I feel like a loser, honestly.

I want my old classes back 😦

I’m not going to lie, I think this is another dream about you.

Yup. There you are. You don’t look exactly the same as you do in real life, do you? But I can recognize you, and you can recognize me, because- oh, we’re hugging now?

I just wish you’d do this in real life instead of waiting until my mind is foggy and your face is just a little bit different and I can’t really feel you even though your hands are on my hips and the sensation is overwhelming. Hey, I didn’t know you could dance, either!

Ah, here you are again. Running up the bleachers to see me, are you? How sweet. Can I have your sweater? Oh, my, really? This is a dream come true.

Hm. She’s in my dream too? Bummer. Well, she’s doing exactly what I dream she’s doing. Trying to get your attention and getting all in my face. She looks a bit different, too- I sure hope I’m not also uglier in my dreams. I’d love to tell her off, but it’s not like she does this in real life. If she did, I’m sure I’d lash out at her.

Hey, where are you going? Oh. The scene’s changing again, huh? What is it this time? Aw, jeez, we’re hugging again? Seriously, why can’t you be this affectionate in real life? I want to touch you and hold you and grasp you. Dreams give you your fantasies but don’t let you enjoy them. Not fair. You know, once I had a dream that I bought all the stuff I wanted in a giant store. I thought I had struck it rich. And I thought I was awake. And when I went to checkout, I woke up. I was disappointed I didn’t get to actually buy all the goodies in my shopping cart.

But I’m beyond disappointed now when I wake up and realize your hands aren’t on my hips and we’re not swaying in tune to the music playing from my head.

Whoa, are you hugging me? I’m not dreaming, am I?

Exactly as the title says.

A week before school starts and my Chromebook pulls this stupid stunt.

I have two emails. The Rockwood email and my own personal gmail. I also have two Google Drive accounts. Once again, my Rockwood account and my personal gmail account. I use my Rockwood account for school, and my personal account mainly for writing stories. Of course, during the summer I have only been using my personal account. I’ve amassed a BUTT TON of stories on there and I work on one or two almost every day.

*inhales*

Guess what happened.

You’re-

You’re supposed to ask “what happened?” now.

OKAY THANKS FOR ASKING I’LL TELL YOU.

*ahem*

Aliens stole my account and now I have to trek to Nevada to-

Okay which nincompoop gave me the wrong script?

GET BACK HERE TONY!!

Sorry SORRY that was really bad. Take two!

Psst ask “What happened?”!

OKAY THANKS FOR ASKING I’LL TELL YOU!

My darling Chromebook (or the Rockwood school district -_-) decided to bar me from my gmail account. That’s right, on my birthday, the 28th (so about a week ago), I got a message saying, “This account is not allowed to sign in within this network.”

*iNhALeS*

woT a gOoD bIRHTdaY PRebLOM

Mind you, I’ve been switching from my Rockwood account to my personal account just fine the past year or so. And now my Chromebook is giving me this crap. How am I supposed to edit my stories now?!?

Has anybody else experienced this problem? HELP.

Is anybody even reading these anymore?

Well obviously YOU are, so thank you 🙂

It’s July 18th, nearing the end of summer. My birthday is exactly 10 days away, and I still haven’t ordered anything for myself online. I missed Prime Day on Amazon, bummer, right? Anyways, I should probably make my wishlist a priority sometime soon. Ahhh I also gotta start buying gifts for friends and family! Lots of people I know have birthdays in the fall, and although I know I’m probably not going to receive gifts back from them, I’m too nice to not buy them anything.

I have to take my senior portrait today. Not excited, to say the least. I hate taking photos, and I’m probably not photogenic if I hate taking photos. Get the gist? I thought about putting on some makeup, but then I remembered, well, I have absolutely no clue how to put on makeup, and uhh… I don’t own any makeup. Whoops. Guess I’ll go looking like a beautiful piece of trash? I considered curling my hair but I’m too lazy so I guess I’m going completely bare and unprepared. Wish me luck!

This summer has been both eventful and boring. June screwed me over AGAIN, for the second year in a row, but July treated me better, with a good 4th of July celebration and chilling at home.

BUT

Chilling at home is SO BORING. I do my homework, and then I eat lunch, and then it’s like “what do I do for the next four hours until my family gets home?” I can’t drive by myself yet, not that I have my own car anyway, and most days it’s either raining or too hot to go outside to bike or run. I try to stay off of electronics the entire day and only check them at night, because if I stare at a screen for too long my eyes start to hate me. Can anybody relate? My cats are always all sleeping, and I’ve become so bored some days that I’ve resorted to digging out my old toys and fiddling around with them. That’s kind of embarrassing. It’s a good time-waster, though.

Ever since my camp counselor job ended at the beginning of July, I’ve been on the hunt for a new job or volunteering prospect. Good news, I’ve already contacted the APA Adoption Agency and I’m going to start volunteering there on weekends starting August. I’m pretty excited to start working with dogs and cats, and helping people find their new forever friends. I’m also considering taking a job as a waitress, but I’m probably going to wait until next summer to pursue that one. Being a waitress sounds exhausting, frankly, and the school year probably doesn’t allow that much time on my hands. I’m not slacking off senior year!

Hm.

I forgot what else I wanted to say on here.

I’m both nervous and excited for the school year to start again. Honestly, I’m a little sad I’ll be graduating high school in a year, but everybody tells me college is way more fun, so I’m going to take you guys up on that 🙂

I’m happy to see my friends and teachers again in the fall. Excited to start tennis season again and kick some butt! I’m happy to get my schedule back and be productive every day. Last year was a little bit of a flop for me. I’m happy to start over this year and be the best I can be.

Ah, barely anybody reads my blog posts anymore. But I like to act like there are a million people eagerly hanging onto my every word, so, once again,

Those of you going to college, GOOD LUCK!! I’ll miss y’all! 🙂 Teachers, if you see me awkwardly avoiding eye contact and trying to slip by you unnoticed, don’t take it personally, I’m just super shy around you guys :3 And for those of you joining me back at our darling high school, if you see me in the hall, give me a wave and I’ll smile, because it makes me so happy to get a friendly greeting.

Hallelujah!

So I’m back on my feet.

YAY!

I got really pissed at some people a few days ago but it’s okay, what’s done is done and I can’t change anything. Still doesn’t change the fact that I think one specific person is a b*tch and some other people ruined everything for me, but it’s okay. I’m okay.

I’ve been committing myself to doing something greater, something better. (That’ll show them.) Three things have been on my radar these past few days.

The first thing I decided I would get started on is submitting work online. I’m looking for good writing platforms where I can share my work and get feedback, or an audience. Do any of you have suggestions for me? I’ve been doing some research around the Web and have come up with some good websites, but I’m pretty naive/new to the world of online writing platforms and would love if any of you could give me a guiding hand.

The second thing I’ve been looking into is becoming a transcriber online. Yea, you read that right. (insert *sigh* here) Yes, I do mean, transcribing videos, voice messages, etc. Why such an odd job? I don’t really know. I was just looking for some easy money and, well, transcribing seemed a good fit for me. Despite my lack of education as a professional transcriber, I’m fluent in English 🙂 and I’m very fast at typing, which is definitely a huge advantage. Some websites that need transcribers don’t require you to have a degree or (much) experience in the field, so I’m sticking my foot in that door and seeing if I can get lucky and land myself an easy at-home job. I don’t have much hope for it, but I have another idea, coming up next. 🙂

The third and last thing I told myself I would do is start tutoring. Get a tutor?

No.

BECOME a tutor. 🙂

And not just any tutor! (If there’s such thing as “any tutor” at all) I’ve decided I want to be an English tutor for kids learning (how to speak/read/write) English. That’s right, I’ve been doing some MORE research into becoming an English tutor online and teaching kids from other countries, like China, the language. I already have experience dealing with and teaching kids, from being a teacher’s aide at my Chinese school to my camp counselor job. So, I reckoned that teaching kids online my native language (actually, my first language was Chinese, but shhhhh you can’t tell that right?) would be fun, rewarding, and a good way to make some money.

So yea! Those are three things I’m looking into right now. Cheers!

June is not my month. My feelings for the entire month of June are leaning dangerously close to downright hatred. For two years in a row now, something really bad, something that affects the entire rest of my summer, has happened in June. June 2018 and June 2019.

So how do I react? By childishly proclaiming I now hate the first month of summer.

No regrets. I quit. Quit what, you ask? Can I quit life?

*ahem*

SUNBURN.

Sunburn.

I got a sunburn…

I was at the North Pointe (Aquatic Center) with my summer camp (we go every Friday), and this year we have a really mean camp director that wouldn’t let us counselors sit in the shade, we had to watch the kids. So I was stuck under the hot sun from 12 to 3, which is literally when the sun shines the brightest. I also forgot to put on sunscreen every two hours. Lovely.

So now I have redness on my face, arms, and legs. Marvelous. Anyone have a quick fix for a mild sunburn? It hasn’t started hurting too much yet, but the redness is slightly freaking me out. Worse still, next week I’m required by my camp to be at the North Pointe ALL week. I’m definitely going to remember my sunscreen, sunglasses and hat, since I basically had none of those three things today!

Goddamn, Sarah.