Today is the last day of Spring Break.

Am I happy?

Uhh… I don’t really know. Part of me is happy. Part of me is groaning because I’m not quite ready yet to be bombarded with a crap ton of homework.

I’m going out later to play tennis. Hopefully it won’t rain.

I’ve been working on a new story of mine, so maybe I’ll debut it sometime. It’s got an interesting concept but I don’t know if I can pull it off successfully.

This was a measly blog post.

oh well.

I’m bored.

I’ve been bored since Spring Break Day 1.

I’m going through the motions of practice tests, watching videos, exercising for exactly .2 seconds, and then eating two microwavable dinners in one sitting. It’s getting old.

I’m churning out blog posts now, because I literally have nothing else to do. Nobody has even read my last blog post. But here I am, spitting out another one to please myself because I can take my mind off of nothingness.

How has your spring breaks been? Anyone go anywhere fun?

ACT practice is going… well. Decent. Okay.

I get distracted too easily.

If I steel myself and tell myself that I’m going to complete a full ACT practice test in one sitting, I can very well do it. But if I tell myself that I’ll go section by section, with breaks allowed in between, you bet your- You bet I’m going to take those breaks, even go as far as to stop the timer in the MIDDLE of a section and take a ten second break to (I hate to say it, it makes me sound like such a bad student) check my phone.

I should probably move my phone six gazillion feet away from me when I’m at my study desk, to be honest.

So far, I don’t really see any serious infliction of phone time in the middle of test time (see, even that sounds horrible, phone should never mix with test), as my scores have remained about the same as my real ACT score from February. However, I’ve been noting that as I take breaks in between and during sections, it’s throwing me off big-time. I have to work harder to regain focus, and if I come across a problem I don’t know how to do (*cough* math *chokes*) I, you guessed it, stop and check my phone.

Now that I’m actually writing out one of my bad habits I realize how pathetic it makes me sound. I can’t even concentrate on an ACT test for f—‘s sake!

I’m trying my best. I really am.

…

So there’s only five more days until school starts again…

My last post was a day ago. Not really sure if one day is long enough time to space your posts out, but at this point I don’t really have the luxury of worrying about that. Mr. Durham, if you’re reading this, um, I’m not really sure how many posts we need at each periodic check you do (*cough* please tell me please), so I’ve just been posting blogs on here on a whim. I’m not posting because I need to catch up before you check and put grades in again, I’m posting because I have something to say.

That being said, the last grade you gave me for my blogs was less than satisfactory. I remember staring at Infinite Campus on my screen and then whisking myself here to WordPress to check out what the hell was going on- and I realized that even though I have no idea how long is in between your checks, I obviously have not been keeping up. I bet you were surprised when you saw that I didn’t have an adequate number of posts. I thought I was doing pretty well until I saw my grade.

So, here I am, posting again a day after I posted my last spiel, if you haven’t checked it out, everybody, go over and read “Registering for the ACT” (it only has one view! Be a dear and be the second, somebody :)) if you’ve been through junior year you’d make a connection instantly. Mr. Durham, I’m sorry I haven’t been keeping up with posts lately, I will make no effort to excuse myself (even though I have been stressed lately and I’ve got a lot going on for Spring Break and- and I’m guilty as charged..) instead I will try my best to get my post numbers back up there.

I hope everybody has a wonderful Spring Break! Whether it’s busy, fun or just plain weird, I hope y’all have yourselves a wonderful week off. Cheers!

So all present juniors registered for the ACT today. At 8:50 in the morning we were all marched down to the Commons to sit for two hours and fill out approximately three sheets of bubbles on paper.

I was already a little irked at the time, because I have two tests today and I need to study. They told us we couldn’t have books out, but I said f*** that, what is a book gonna do, take a picture of the registration paper? Ohhh yea of course, I’m sorry, my comparative government book definitely wants to know how the ACT works.

I found my packet pretty easily, given that I was the last table. I sat with a bunch of my friends, so yay(!), they were pretty entertaining and made the two hours seem a lot shorter. Thanks guys!

Two people at the table next to mine pushed their packets away, and when asked, they replied that they had both gotten a 36 the first time they took the test “so I don’t need to take it again!”

One of my friends got pretty salty after that.

Off we went, “chugging along” as one of the principals put it, filling out bubble after bubble with names, addresses, and if we liked, disliked or were indifferent to learning about star formations and teaching people new hobbies. (I gave up halfway and just put indifferent on all of them- saves you a lot of time and gives you more study minutes!) My friends and I had a good time joking about random college names (ever heard of the Alaska Bible College?) and whether or not we wanted to go to school in Pennsylvania or California. I said Pennsylvania because personally I love that state, but my talkative friend insisted “you can’t go wrong with California”. Okay, Max, okay.

Honestly we could’ve gotten the damn thing done in 20 minutes. But, and I’ll admit I was a bit talkative today too, everybody was apparently feeling chipper and chatty today and we managed to stretch the time out to 2 hours. Guess nobody liked their first hour class? I was actually a bit sad to leave AP Bio- we had a sub today and the entire period was basically a free study period. We also left behind two people, one sophomore and one senior, and honestly I wouldn’t have been opposed to sitting with the sophomore and working quietly together for the whole two hours.

All in all, although the process was annoying, I know it was good for me. I took my first ACT in February, which already made me a bit late to the party given that most juniors took their first in October… And while I was pleased with my score I know I can do so much better. I see people snagging 36’s and 35’s all around me, and I know that if I work hard and fast enough I can nudge my score up to greet or compete with theirs.

I am probably less enthused about spring break than anyone at Marquette.

Sound familiar? … yea, I can be a sourpuss sometimes. I hate weekends, I hate snow days, I hate winter and spring breaks (summer breaks are fine because it’s hot, there’s vacation, and you have more time).

But this spring break? Specifically spring break, this year, March 2019? The spring break that sprung up on all of us, I feel like?

I’m not excited. First off, I’m writing this on the weekend. The weekend before the week before spring break. I’ve got a crap ton of homework, and I’m not doing myself any favors by constantly goofing off and daydreaming instead of trying to figure out log4^2=x. (It’s 1/2, for all those idiots out there.)

As expected, I have a lot of tests next week, in almost all my core classes. Lovely.

Once spring break starts, I have to attend college visits, go to ACT classes, and study my butt off for upcoming AP tests. I also applied for two jobs, already landed one for the summer but not sure about the other, and I need to start practicing tennis again because I haven’t played since I highfived my teammate last October after our last match. Haven’t lost a single game in all my high school career, still going strong 🙂

I actually considered going on the service trip this year. I have never partaken in it, and Florida sounds like a lot of fun with classmates (a lot more fun than Houston). Also, I feel just a little left out when I see some of my friends going but I’m staying back. However, if you would just take a look up there, you’d see why I can’t exactly spare time this year… I’m planning on going on the service trip next year. Let’s hope they pick someplace I like more! Florida is so overrated.

I’ve been looking at writing contests lately. Just for fun, I don’t think my skill level is up there enough to be competitive. But, I think entering in a few contests and just submitting my work in general will give me good feedback and experience. If anybody can recommend any good writing contests, I’m your girl!

Whew! Even I realize I’m pretty busy this time of year. I just hope I won’t cave under the pressure of it all. Wish me luck, everyone!

I have a cold. Not the flu. A cold.

The last time I came down with a cold was… a while ago? I can’t quite remember.

I hope I don’t get a sore throat. Right now it’s just a stuffy nose and sniffles, which is annoying on their own. But a sore throat, and hacking all over the place? No thank you. I have a Socratic Seminar in AP Lang and a speaking test in Spanish tomorrow. Just my luck that I sound congested and I need to speak in front of people. Now that I think of it, I seem to get sick at the wrong times. Today, I had to sit through a quiet biology room while taking a test WHILE sniffling every two seconds, and then in language arts I had to go speak with my counselor regarding classes. Very uncomfortable both times. I suppose I should be glad I didn’t get sick the night of the Poetry Slam..

The last time I lost my voice because of a cold was all the way back in my freshman year. I remember writing my teachers a nice little note:

“Lost my voice. Can’t speak in class.”

Or something along those lines, that was almost 3 years ago and I’m pretty sure I wrote it on a sticky note.

I have two pretty clear memories of that day. The first one was of me clutching the note and hesitantly handing it to my US history teacher, Mr. Szevery (amazing teacher, I hope he remembers me even though I don’t think he does). He looked at it, nodded at me, maybe said a quick “okay”, and sent me to my seat. I hadn’t expected such a smooth transaction, but surprisingly I think nearly all my teachers that day simply nodded and sent me on my way.

The second memory I have of that day is a bit more embarrassing. I was in Writing and Reporting, or something like that, an introductory journalism class (big mistake, the teacher was great but I’m not really a reporter kind of gal). I guess I had forgotten to give my teacher, Ms. Jorgensen, my explanatory sticky note, because I found myself balking when she asked me to answer a question in front of the class. I didn’t think of marching up to her and showing her my note, I don’t know why. Instead, I just sat there, pointed to my throat, and shook my head.

Great move. Highly recommend.

After a few shockingly awkward seconds, one of my classmates came to my aid and told Ms. Jorgensen that “I think she’s saying she can’t talk.”

Thank you, you know who you are.

I breathed a sigh of relief when my teacher merely gave me a quizzical look and then moved on to another student to question.

Who knows? Maybe I can fake losing my voice and then tell my teachers that I can’t do the Socratic Seminar or the speaking test. But then I can’t speak for the whole day because I can’t blow my cover. Snitches will be snitches.

Anyway, I apologize to everybody who has to sit next to or near me in my classes. These next few days, you can expect to be greeted with a symphony (more like a cacophony) of sniffling and coughing, paired with the lovely melody of a very stuffy nose. I can assure you that I don’t have the flu. However, I highly recommend you don’t try to kiss me or hug me lest you pick up the same bug I did. Just a word to the wise!

Oh, and teachers? If you should find yourself greeted with a sticky note explaining the absence of my voice anytime in the next few days, feel free to bribe me to speak with a “I’ll give you a B in the class if you don’t”. If I still don’t make a peep then you can rest assured that no, I am not faking, but also, I may know that you aren’t serious in your bribe.

I love Mondays.

Just kidding.

Not really.

I love Mondays. And Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, and Thursdays.

Fridays are subpar. The enthusiasm Marquette holds for Friday is, frankly, bemusing.

You see, I enjoy going to school. I think I’ve said this in one of my earlier posts, maybe not, but I enjoy, well, school. I like learning, I like spending time with my friends, I like being productive.

And school is where I can do all those things. Weekends, sure, I have more freedom and time. But, that freedom goes out the door because I can’t drive. If I could drive I would probably love weekends, but news flash, I don’t have my license yet. I’m stuck at home, doing homework, dozing off, watching YouTube, and eating way too many snacks. I’m so unproductive sometimes I’ll find myself having passed two hours with one math problem down and six hundred million more to go.

I can’t bring myself to work on weekends! It’s a problem, it’s a habit, it’s something I want to break immediately.

Please just let it be Monday already…

Can somebody please tell me at the last second that I do not have to go up and recite a poem in front of a bunch of strangers?

Please?

Pretty please?

(I’m looking at you Mr. Durham…)

It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to memorize it. But then I’d look like a complete idiot squinting at a paper and making zero eye contact with the audience. So much for putting on a show.

I think I’m psyching myself out. I’ve performed in front of people before. Complete strangers. Crowds of more than a hundred people.

But those times, my fingers flew across the keys or my arms and legs moved to the rhythm. Those times, I played the piano or I danced.

I’ve never used my voice to perform. Now, if you had asked me to sing in front of all those people… I’d do anything to get out of it.

So thanks for that, I guess.

What concerns me the most about this Poetry Slam is my worry that I’m going to mess up in my delivery of my poem. I worry that even if I’ve memorized it down pat, I’m going to stumble on a word or just completely forget a line. And if I forget a line, the whole thing is ruined, because my poem rhymes the whole way through. I’m scared that my work is going to look like crap next to others. I’ve got really talented people going before and after me, and to me they make my poem seem drab and uninteresting. I’m slightly troubled with the fact that I am going third to last. I was too shy in class to raise my hand to go earlier so now I’m stuck in the back with all the good people (nothing on those who went earlier!!! I know y’all are just as talented :]) I’m anxious because I fear I’m going to look stupid up on stage, because when do I not look like a ball of nerves in front of more than ten people?

This is definitely going to take me out of my comfort zone. I’m not a natural at this. I don’t have the easy charisma or relaxed nature of those who are destined for the stage.

But I do have the determination to get through this Wednesday night and enjoy the immense relief I will feel come Thursday morning.

Have you ever faked an emotion?

Shed some crocodile tears or hid behind a smiling mask?

I don’t want to say I fake emotions all the time, but I do find myself slipping up from time to time and showing a counterfeit me to others. I’m not proud of this habit but it’s a part of me, and a part of my demeanor.

I usually just fake happiness or sadness. Occasionally I fake kindness too, but that’s only to people I have problems with.

Just don’t tick me off and you should be in the clear 🙂

I normally pretend to be happy when I don’t want people pitying me, or realizing that I’m not the strong person they make me out to be. That’s another thing- Around casual friends or acquaintances, I generally am mellow, silent, and, well, emotionless. I tend to keep my mouth shut and portray an unbothered, easy-going girl to those I don’t know very well. I don’t want people thinking that I am weak.

So that’s when I fake happiness. Or, the classic ‘fake happiness at an achievement of somebody you hate the guts of’ also happens from time to time.

When I feign sadness, or anger, it’s a different story altogether.

To somebody who is not me, this next concept can seem very… confusing.

See, I fake happiness so that people won’t pity me. But I also fake sadness for people to pity me.

If you’re confused on the happiness part of that, please read above, you inattentive little brat.

If you’re confused about the sadness part of that, please wait a second, you impatient little rascal.

Okay. Getting onto the sadness part now.

Sometimes, when something mildly bad or annoying happens, I… I almost force myself to be more upset than I actually feel. I may feel that the event that caused this emotion is worthy of more tears shed or frowns deepened. I may think that I should be more upset than I actually am.

And other times, I just want to make the person who caused the event feel bad.

Because I’m a petty little sh*t like that.

Well I guess that concludes this blog today. The entire thing was just me rambling because I don’t want to face my mountain of schoolwork and the impending news of my ACT score.

%*@#!!!!!