First of all, Happy Easter to all who celebrate, and Happy April 21st to everybody else. Hope everybody is having a fantastic day.

Now, the title.

Dogs.

I love dogs. Always have, always will. They’re always so fun to be around, and they certainly show their love to you more than cats do. (I have three cats, but we’re going to pretend like they don’t exist for the sake of this post. I love ’em, but sometimes all I want is a pupper..)

I’ll try to keep this post short, because who wants to be inside on a lovely day like today?

So, something I’ve noticed just around society is that, especially in advertisements, magazines, artwork, things that get public attention, the dogs women are portrayed as owning are small, petite, lap dogs. Dogs that are little and cute, and can fit inside a tote bag that you then pair with sunglasses and high heels and bam your outfit is done and you can go strut your stuff out on the street. The little dogs I’m talking here range from Chihuahuas to Shih Tzus, but the most common have been Pomeranians, Yorkies, and toy poodles. I’m not trying to categorize anything here, but I’ve just seen fluffy dog after fluffy dog after poofy dog. You get the idea.

Society seems to be eager to pair women up with dainty little dogs. What’s up with that? I get that some women may like those dogs because they’re small and cute, and, well, they’re small and cute.

Big deal, I say. If I were to choose a dog, a small dog would be at the bottom of my list. Ever since I knew I wanted to own a dog, I’ve set my sights on big dogs, or at least medium sized ones. I’m talking the smallest being the size of a Beagle, the largest being the size of a German Shepherd. German Shepherds are actually my dream dog, but I love just about any big dog. Labradors, goldens, huskies, and more. If you go down a size, I love beagles, collies, corgis! (squee!!) I’m getting a little off track. Excuse me.

The point I’ve been trying to make is, I’ve always wanted a dog that I can run with. A dog that can I can go hiking with, jogging with, swimming with. I want an athletic dog that can keep pace with me on a walk in the park instead of churning on their stubby little legs and then begging to be put in my bag. Not happening. I’ve always dreamed of a big, strong dog that I can have a good time with, not just show off to others.

So, that was my Sunday TED talk. Thanks for listening? Do you have a dog? What breed is it?

Today was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Let me take you through it.

Already my morning started off crummy- I have allergies, and they seem to be worse this year, because my throat is itchy and I keep coughing (to all who have to share a class with me, I am so sorry, I’m not sick but I know it’s far from pleasant sitting near a person who won’t stop coughing).

The day is kind of cold. Not fun, St. Louis. I like the rain but I don’t like having to switch between shorts and leggings every other day. It’s spring time already, if you’re going to throw pollen in my face you have to let me enjoy the warm weather, too.

I have three exams today. Not too bad, some people might pitch in, but I’m already feeling down, I DON’T want three exams to top it all off. Hell, even on a good day I don’t want three exams. On a bad day? On. A. Bad. Day? Tests and even quizzes at the end of the year stress me out so much. I hate April. I hate May.

1st Hour: Creative Writing. Usually I really enjoy this class, but I was already ticked off before the warning bell rang this morning and I couldn’t enjoy anything. I didn’t really do anything in it, either, just read over my government textbook until I felt like I could barf up nonsense about Nigerian corruption and Mexican caudillos.

2nd Hour: AP Biology. Now, I didn’t include the “AP” in there because I want to sound snotty. It’s because I want you to know that my second hour is HARD. It’s a lot of information, and I really couldn’t handle it today. After an unpleasant experience with one of my really good friends right at the beginning of class, I put my head down on my desk to rest about halfway through the class because I was exhausted physically and mentally. When my teacher asked me nicely to turn in my paper, I raised my head and turned it in, but then she, using the same nice, patient voice, asked me if something was wrong and if I needed to go see the nurse. Now, when I’m feeling bad and you go and talk to me in a nice, albeit worried, tone, I can assure you one thing and one thing alone: I will start crying. And I did, I even had to take out my braid so my hair would frame my face and hide my tears. Snot was everywhere, at one point my vision was blurred, and I sit in the front and center row. It was terrible. I continued to study my government textbook in biology, and normally when my biology teacher is going over notes on the SmartBoard, she doesn’t like people doing things for other classes. But today, I guess she suspected I wasn’t feeling well and let my behavior slide. Thanks, I guess? I was more concentrated on how to hide my crying though, honestly. It gets real debilitating once you realize you cry every time somebody gives you the slightest consoling tone. REALLY, Sarah? REALLY?!

3rd Hour: Personal Finance. Ah, Personal Finance. The class that’s so easy yet so inexplicably boring. We did fill-in notes today, and I was not having it. It was in Personal Finance that I first realized today, I just wanted to hide. I kept coughing in this class, and once again, I am so sorry to the people in the room with me.

Lunch. Let me just say this: As soon as the nice lunch lady saw me, she said, “Oh come on, it’s Thursday!” Meaning, cheer up, meaning, you’re frowning, meaning, I can tell you’re upset. Lunch was not lunch, because I did not eat lunch, because I was STUDYING FOR GOVERNMENT.

4th Hour: AP Government. I wasn’t feeling confident at all walking into that room. The written portion of the test was slightly tricky, mainly because we got thirteen minutes for two two-part questions. But then the multiple choice portion really threw us a curve ball. Afterwards I wanted to slap myself, because I knew right off the bat that I got at least two questions wrong in the multiple choice section. The killer? We only had ten questions in that section.

5th Hour: AP Language. We took a vocabulary quiz in class today. How this quiz worked, was, throughout the year, we got to pick twenty-five unfamiliar words and search up their definitions. Then, culminating in this quiz, we had to construct a paragraph using those words. Another killer? I, like the rest of the class, could’ve printed out a list of my chosen words WITH THEIR DEFINITIONS and used that while taking the quiz. But, I apparently wanted to ruin myself because I only printed out a list with only my vocabulary words- no definitions. I thought it couldn’t have been that easy that we could use our definitions on the actual quiz, but it turns out I was just a little dumba**. Great. Job.

6th Hour: Honors Algebra II. Once again, I didn’t include the “Honors” part to sound high and mighty. I actually hate where I am in math, because it’s so shameful. We started our last unit of the year today, and let me just give you the gist of it- I don’t understand a single damn thing. Oh, the joys of trigonometry.

7th Hour: Spanish III. We took a reading and listening quiz in Spanish today. It went okay… I cheated. Just a little bit, okay? Don’t tell anyone. And DON’T tell my Spanish teacher. All I did was use Google to search up some words I couldn’t translate, alright? No need to be a tattletale and report me.

After school. I’m writing this at my desk right now. A few moments ago, I got back my April (schoolwide) ACT score. Was I happy? No. It was the same exact score as last time. It’s not a bad score, but by Asian standards, it’s a terrible, burn-in-hell, you’re-a-disgrace score. What sucked even more was that I actually thought I did much better on this test than the last. I’m so sick and tired of disappointing myself and disappointing others. I briefly debated throwing myself off a cliff but then I realized that probably wasn’t the best idea. I’m going to take the damn test again in June, see if I can nudge my score up a few points. Does anybody have any tips for the ACT?

Or how to wipe their failure off the face of the earth?

1. people who hate me
2. wet socks
3. tests
4. eggplants
5. smart alecks
6. chemistry
7. awkward teachers
8. paper cuts
9. eating in a silent class
10. things I probably shouldn’t hate
11. jealousy
12. football
13. people who hate cats
14. rain when I had plans outside
15. sun when I wanted a good storm
16. people who are immature
17. splinters
18. people who act like they are above me
19. tomatoes
20. asparagus
21. rap music
22. rock music
23. people with dirty mouths
24. bad grades
25. caterpillars
26. racists
27. the dark
28. being ignored
29. getting attitude
30. Algebra II
31. sagging pants
32. raisins
33. cranberries
34. walnuts
35. cramps
36. seeing someone get away with something
37. my inability to math
38. daredevils
39. fish bones
40. wasps
41. ticks
42. murky water
43. heights
44. being trapped in a small space
45. puking
46. crying in public
47. letting others see my weaknesses
48. Laffy Taffys
49. freezing weather
50. too many things to put on this list
51. cold feet
52. split ends
53. non-sticky stickers
54. pens that have dried out
55. ignorant people
56. everybody, sometimes
57. voice cracks
58. certain people whom will not be named
59. cheaters
60. pine nuts
61. pecans
62. geese in the spring
63. procrastinating
64. social media fanatics
65. being ignored
66. an itchy scalp
67. squeaky desks
68. getting scolded
69. writer’s block
70. mangoes
71. b*tches
72. getting called on in class without warning
73. confrontations
74. under-eye bags
75. flyaways
76. unfairness
77. identity theft
78. kiwi
79. porcupines
80. d*ckheads
81. shards of glass
82. lampreys
83. public speaking
84. cassowaries
85. centipedes
86. being denied something
87. tangled hair
88. strawberry ice cream
89. nightmares
90. certain parts of history
91. ACT math
92. timers
93. doing a plank
94. messing up on artwork
95. trypophobia inducers
96. sea anenomes
97. soggy bread
98. cigarette smoke
99. failures
100. myself

No other two words strike more fear into student’s hearts.

I am terrified of Infinite Campus. Truly, I am terrified of the site. I hate it, I hate checking it, I hate that teachers can either ruin or make my day with just one click of a button on that site.

Every time I go to check, a wave of apprehension rises within me.

Some students check Infinite Campus with the eagerness of a child on Christmas morning. But honey, ohhhh no, that is not me and probably never will be me. My god, I hate Infinite Campus. It’s not that I never get good grades- it’s that I’ll occasionally get a bad one, and that will make my heart plummet to my feet.

I’ve always joked that for somebody who has an enviable ACT score, my GPA isn’t nearly as up to par. I’m not proud of my GPA, but I’m not disgusted by it, either. However, just the mention of the three letters and I pretty much have a two-second panic attack because it IS nearing the end of the year and TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!!

I’m a typically shy person. Mostly I’m shy with my voice, but I’m also shy with how I present myself sometimes, too.

It’s April, which means, given St. Louis weather, that it’ll either be 40 degrees or 75.

This does not make things any easier for me. Why? I’ve always loved wearing shorts and skirts. I play tennis, and skirts are one of my favorite apparel. But, the weather fluctuates so much here in our darling city that some days it’s perfectly normal to wear a skirt, and some days it’s like “Is that girl trying to freeze herself?”

It’s a predicament trying to figure out if everybody else will be wearing short sleeves on a given day.

And, even if the weather forecast says it’s going to be 80 degrees one day, I still walk into school nervous because I think I’m going to be the only one wearing shorts and everyone will stare at me.

The same, even though this is completely different from clothes, goes for my hair. I usually wear my hair down or in a ponytail, or a bun on select days. Well, if I wear my hair differently one day, I’m going to be nervous that people will think it looks weird. Read: I’m talking literally any hairstyle other than a ponytail or bun.

I get anxiety. Over my hairstyle.

… Sarah, come on… there are a million other girls wearing space buns milling around school and you’re over here acting like everybody will notice your change of hairstyle because you’re just so famous at Marquette.

Honestly, I’m glad I don’t wear makeup so I don’t have to stress over that too. I’m not the most stylish person but I don’t want to wear a sweatshirt and sweatpants every day, either.

Today I’m actually wearing double braids and shorts, but today is a day that I actually feel confident in how I look.

Ahhhhh, feels good.

Secrets are torture for curious people like me.

Secrets are the hidden treasure, the forbidden land, the ghosts that are heard but never known.

I am a curious person. I ask a lot of questions when something intrigues me, and sometimes I ask questions about anything at all. I want to find out more about people, more than the surface allows me to know. I want to know their secrets.

I am very good at keeping secrets, whether my own or my friends’. But, I know many people are terrible at the art, and those are the people I target, people who I know can’t keep something to themselves to save their life.

I just find it fascinating that there are so many people walking this earth and yet we, I, don’t know anything about 99.99999999999999% of them. Everybody I pass in the hallways of Marquette, I try to analyze. Don’t call me a stalker- call me observant. I don’t stare, because a passing glance is all I need, most of the time.

When I first meet people, I look them over and try to see what kind of person they are through our interactions. You’ll notice this sooner or later. If I smile and start talking, I’m, at the least, slightly comfortable with you and I like you as a person. If I give you this kind of half-glare or stay quiet, please know that I probably dislike or hate you.

Most people call me a perceptive person. They say that I’m sensitive to their emotions and I’m great at giving advice. Others call me non-assertive, because I tend to avoid sh*t before it hits the fan and I don’t go looking for trouble. It’s true that I’m not the most assertive person. But the reason I seem so timid is because I can sense when trouble is about to come, and I back the f*ck off because I hate drama. I want to say that I’ve been so good at picking up on facial cues, words and body language that I know when to stop or what to do to prevent the situation from turning sour. This sometimes leads to me being called manipulative. The word itself sounds toxic enough, but strangely, sometimes I don’t mind being this way. I don’t control people to ruin them- I simply toy with the strings sometimes to aid myself, whether it’s something I want, something I don’t want the other person getting, or giving myself an advantage in the situation. I rarely, if ever, go looking to harm the other person.

I want to know your secrets. I want to figure you out. I want to be able to get inside your head, and if I like you, lift you up, or if I don’t like you, leave you out to dry. I want to know if I can trust you or if I should treat you as an enemy.

All people, I see it, are your enemies until they’re your friends. With that being said, I don’t see you as an enemy until you show me you are, and I don’t see you as a friend until you show me you are. I don’t trust people easily, and I expect the worst out of everybody. Nobody in this world is your friend right off the bat. Everybody wants something. Something from you, something to gain for themselves, something about you to give them an advantage over you. That’s why I never give out my own secrets. I don’t think I’m paranoid, no. I just think I’m treading carefully, so if the ground is too fragile and you’re not careful you’ll be the first to fall.

I can definitely come off as suspicious at times. But I think everybody needs to be a little suspicious in life, and the people who pass that test are the people you truly want to be around. In my friends, I look for loyalty above all. I don’t care if you’re funny or good looking, if you’re going to stab me in the back or ditch me then why would I even waste my time with you in the first place? I don’t mean loyalty as in you following me around like a puppy or you treating yourself as my slave. I mean loyalty as somebody who has always got my back and will be honest and trusting towards me. Loyalty and honesty are best friends.

I don’t want to sound like a sociopath, or psychopath, or creeper, or stalker, or an antisocial, because as I’m rereading this post I’m realizing that I sound a bit disconnected and cold. This is just the other side of me that I rarely show, because I like the quiet, smiling girl I usually am. I’m not a sociopath, stalker, nor am I antisocial, but I do liken myself to somewhat of a spy, at times. Hey, a girl can dream, right? Quiet, calculating, always trying to dig deeper so I know how to bring you down.

The math was really hard.

I went into this ACT thinking that since it was a school-wide ACT, it would be a bit easier than, say, the one I took in February.

NO SIR.

Well, let me back it up a little bit.

I’m usually very good at the grammar portion. I’ve scored a 36 on it before so I was pretty confident in my abilities this time around. However, this time the darling first section wasn’t very, well, darling. It was still easy, yes, but several questions threw me for a loop and I did not appreciate that one bit. Still, I have high hopes for grammar.

Math.

MATH.

The test I took in Februrary I mean February I can never spell it right gave me an okay, kinda difficult math section.

But this time, the ACT decided to be cute and give us all a math section so hard people three grades above me in math thought it was rough.

Hopefully the curve on the math section aids us struggling idiots.

Reading and science were nice, they didn’t want to go for our throats on this one. Usually the only problem I come across with those two is time, but apart from the two seconds I thought there were eight passages in Science rather than seven, I did okay on time. I’m relying on my grammar, reading and science scores to float the boat this time, because math has already cut a hole in the hull.

A lot of people bailed afterwards. I’m sitting in Study Hall right now (haha how boring right? Wrong you’re out there doing the downwards dog in yoga while I’m getting sh*t done) and there was originally supposed to be 25 people in the room, but there are only 7. I actually think it’s quite relaxing just listening to music and doing homework, thank you very much.

Time actually passed very quickly today, it seemed. The ACT seemed to fly by, and it’s already 2:44 in the afternoon! See you guys after school!

I often wonder if I am too aloof. I don’t talk much and most of the time I sit or stand with my arms crossed and an unimpressed look on my face. Sure, I also laugh easily, but that’s beyond the point here. Cliches in movies almost always have one character who is happy go lucky and always smiling, and their counterpart is the composed, quiet individual who looks like they are always glaring at you. While I don’t glare at people, I always think I fall into the second category just because I am quiet and sometimes give others belittling looks when they get in my way. (Surprised? I don’t tend to get angry easily, so these times are rare. Super common in Marquette hallways though.) I don’t tend to give others the satisfaction of knowing they have gotten to me, and one of my favorite insults is not a bad word but the word “peasant”. I don’t mean it as in “I am superior to you, peasant”, I just think it’s a really funny word. But maybe that says something about me on some subconscious level?

I definitely don’t think I’m better than others… most of the time. I don’t think I act haughty, but sometimes I come off that way. What worries me is how this shows up in one specific scenario: Sharing personal items with other people.

Personal items include but are not limited to: Water bottles, lip balm, earbuds, clothes, and food.

I see people sharing water bottles all the time. “Can I borrow a drink?” “Sure, my bottle is the red one.”

I don’t get it. I would never let anybody else drink from my water bottle, and I would never drink from anybody else’s water bottle (I’ve felt dehydrated many a time during tennis because of this). It’s… it’s unsanitary. Sure, you’re my friend, but I don’t want your saliva all over my bottle. Mentioned before, I play tennis. We have this thing (in all sports I presume) called the “fountain”, where one person borrows another person’s water bottle, but instead of putting their lips directly on the opening, raise the bottle a few inches above their mouth and squirt water in like that. I’m even squeamish about that! My teammates probably hate me…

I see people sharing lip balm sometimes, too. Once again, I don’t want your germs on my lip balm. I don’t even own lip balm but I felt like I had to point that out.

EARBUDS. Earbuds, oh goodness. People share earbuds and (*eye roll*) airpods alllllll the damn time. Me? You guessed it, stay away from my earbuds! Ears have so many germs inside them, and earwax *shudders* Please, no thank you. It’s just so unsanitary- one song isn’t worth it.

Clothing and food are pretty basic, I don’t want to catch lice or any other thing you’re carrying, and if you want a lick of my lollipop, you ought to go get your own if you want to have a taste.

I hope my aversion of sharing doesn’t make aloof.

That would be too bad.

Drama, drama, drama.

I hate drama. Sure it’s fun to listen to but after like five minutes, for me, it gets real exhausting.

In one of my classes, I, a junior, sit at a table with this sophomore friend group, four girls in all. I don’t really know them but I didn’t have anywhere else to sit in the class so I ended up at their table. They are all nice people. Some are annoying but for the most part they are tolerable.

But oh, the drama they talk about. Every day when I’m trying to unwind, I can count on them to snap me out of it. It’s all “oh my god” and “guess what?!” and “ahhhhh I can’t keep a secret c’mere!”

STOP.

GOODNESS GRACIOUS, YOUNG UNS.

STOP.

I don’t want to hear about how your friend totally left this guy hanging over text or how some guy left YOU hanging over Snapchat or how you decided to send a not-so-smart picture to that boy who looks kinda cute? All legitimate stories I’ve had to endure with these people, by the way.

Stop screaming, stop whining, stop gossiping, stop whispering and thinking I don’t know what the hell you’re saying because I HAVE EARS AND I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HOW YOU THINK THAT ONE GUY IS SOOOOO WEIRD. We all have our own problems to deal with but nothing comes out of giggling with your friends and pretending to be concerned that you got ghosted when you’re actually dating three different guys.

Thanks for listening to my TED Talk.

I’ve got an inquiry for you, Mr. Durham.

Let’s start with a scenario. Say you give us an assignment to write a horror story. I love writing horror, how did you know?!

Anyways, so I’m faced with a horror assignment. Concoct a good story with terrifying elements and scream-worthy moments.

Well, now let’s say I’ve already got a horror story on the drawing board. I started writing it (on my own free will and in my own free time) a few months ago, with no knowledge of your horror assignment laying in wait for us.

Would it be considered cheating if I used the story I already started, maybe tweak it a bit, and submit it for your assignment?

If we’re being realistic here, there’s really no way for you to know if I’m submitting a work I’d previously started and have been working on. But, some part of me has been wanting to ask you since the semester started, mainly because I know I’ve started/written/finished so many stories outside of class and before I even started Creative Writing. Maybe I feel as though I can’t give myself a leg up from other students, and that I’d be giving myself an unfair advantage by doing less work than others. Maybe it’s a useless question! I’m not sure.

But, a question needs an answer…